I have to admit to something - for the first time in my life I made money on the blog. Not gadgets, not vouchers, but normal, electronic money transferred to the bank account. Before you close the site and shout "the guy ended up on Kill all, I do not read it anymore, because he makes money on me and sells it!", Let me explain it. I went last year THE BEST WORLD BICYCLE tests in Austria. I apologize for Capslock and this statement, but specializedowe brainwashing me a little longer. I was supposed to go straight back for the weekend Kaszebe Roundso I was in a hurry. As it usually happens, when people are in a hurry, things happen. Through the unexpected turn of events, I was stuck overnight in Frankfurt. It reminded me recently that such things belong to money. I wrote to Lufthansa that "helooou?" And two days later I had a repayment in the form of PLN 1076 (interestingly, our complaint for a canceled flight from Los Angeles has been considered for 2 months, and to speed it up, we would have to file a complaint for the complaint).

PLN 1076 - life can be started again. You can also spend it on stupidity. I decided to check if 1076 PLN is enough to spend some time in warm countries in the style of real onion.

Poohs onion

At the outset, I have to explain something: the onion trip does not mean "as cheaply as possible". If that were the case, we would go with the tent, eat the oranges found along the way and drink water from the puddle. Real travelers, ultramarathics, baggers, hikers and a lot of other people can look at us, like the people of France, Maria Teresa, when she says that they are hungry and have no bread, she told them to eat cakes. I am new in the topic of the hypo-posts, but I practice onion all my life.

Our onionry was about spending time with dignity. That the sun was shining outside, the views were good, in the distance the sun was visible, in the morning you could shoot the selfik in an elegant hotel, light bikes, nice clothes, coffee in the cafe and in general be the king of Instagrama. Of course, to visit a lot, places with the least possible consumption of holidays. Such a cycling group for thrifty and busy people.

So we went to sunny Spain, a bit next to the cycling mecca (because in Calpe, I'm on Facebook every day). Within 3.5 days we cycled 642 kilometers and 9,664 meters vertically. Pedałowaliśmy over 30 hours (moving time). We assumed that it is more or less as much as the classic ambitious amateur cyclist going to the mentioned Calpe overcomes a week.

It looked like this (do not look at the sum of the overhangs - it is smoothed)

download .gpx

Two guys,
one bag *

We got tickets for Valencia for PLN 235 each way. The problem is that the worst (for riders in the world line) - Ryanair. The cost of transporting a bicycle in two directions is PLN 550 - twice as much as for a person. Ryanair is overwhelmed for being the onion bulbs and giving us both places with extra legroom - perfectly. A dozen or so hours of searching for a bicycle rental in Valencia convinced us that it was still less than renting. The only sensible place - Startbikevalencia - a price of about 34 euros per day ... and how to give a bike on Sunday evening or Monday early in the morning to catch a plane?

We decided to fit two roads into one suitcase - B & W International Bike Case. I will write it in a nutshell - have you succeeded? Yes. Will we ever repeat it - definitely not. We have put two roads to it (weighing some 14kg in total) without pedals, but with water bottles and helmets and we closed in a 30kg limit on contact.

Packing took us a good few hours. Unscrewed brake, derailleurs, steering wheels, bridges, chain removed and so on. The problem was the 4th wheel, through which the trunk did not close. If someone would take them to us - surgery would be simple and pleasant.

Eventually, however, it succeeded and cost PLN 550 for a bike divided into two people.

* if you have imagined things seeing this title then I respect it;)

How many coins do you need?

Ticket: Modlin -> Valencia -> Modlin: 235 PLN
Bicycle ticket: 550 PLN / 2 = 275 PLN
Accommodation (+ dinners + breakfasts): 360 PLN / 2 = 180 PLN
Accommodation II: PLN 195/2 = PLN 97.5
Accommodation III: (+ breakfast): 246 PLN / = 123 PLN
Accommodation IV: PLN 164/2 = PLN 82
Parking: 33 PLN / 2 = 16.5 PLN
Access to the airport: 90km * 0.83 PLN (kilometers) / 2 = 75 PLN / 2 = 37.5 PLN

PLN 268 for: 2x Burger King, 2x Pizza, 2x lunch sandwich, wrestling in Decathlon, several visits to roadside pastry and chocolate stores

In total: PLN 1313, that is, PLN 237 too much.

it means that in Decathlon in Valencia, I would have to buy 24 pairs of socks to fit in the budget ... but more on that later ;-)

A handy Spanish dictionary

food - comida
drinking - bebida
accommodation - alojamiento
very winter / very warm - muy frío / muy caliente
it hurts here - dolor de testiculos pero aqui (and we show with our finger)
very expensive - muy caro
in Poland it is cheaper - Es mas barato en polonia
spoiled - está roto

Onions have layers, the cyclist has layers

As part of the cost cutting, we do not buy any luggage - this means that we have to fit into this "small handbag" instead of the "handy bag". Such luggage is 40 cm x 20 cm x 25 cm - it is so little that Ryan does not give even its maximum weight. If you start to wonder if a shoe packed with stuff and packed in a pocket is a luggage or clothing, then know that you should get the order Virtutti Cebulari.

We are reminded that after all we have to take away many things that should be kept in checked baggage for security reasons. The next process begins:

Logistics, or is the chain cutter wrapped in underpants, hidden in a sock, in a boot, carried in a pocket of a bicycle sweatshirt, is that luggage?

We have a 9-liter seat carrier from Planet X for our luggage - PODSACS. 9 liters is more than we need. We are flying in civilian clothes - we will change our jackets for a cycling blouse, sneakers (as well as entire civilian clothes) will be left in the suitcase on the spot.

I have a hypodermis:

- 2 pairs of panties (the only useless thing)
- 2 pairs of socks
- 2 shirts
- 2 prickles (hot and cold)
- unbelievably short pants for sleeping / swimming / eating breakfast
- civilian shirt for sleeping / being
- cycling shorts
- Allen set
- two inner tubes and a spare tire
- pump
- a warm hat for a helmet and gloves
- sleeves, legs
- ultralight jacket
- chargers and cables
- GoPro, Sony Rx0 camera and powerbank
- patches, a chain clip
- lenses
- walking shoes (for suchdesigned for walking in water - they fold better than flip-flops)

If I was going for a month - probably the set would be slightly larger ...

Valencia ... and what next?

The bike is cool because you fold, get on and go. The Valencia airport is cool too, because somebody has designed it badly, which means one of the corridors breaks off, creating the perfect place to put up a temporary bicycle workshop. It takes us almost an hour to put everything into a pile and disguise. Everything is cool, just WHAT TO DO WITH THIS FOOTWEAR ?!

We could bring bicycles in cardboard boxes and put them somewhere zbunkrować. Only what if they disappear in our absence? Where on Sunday evening will we find new cartons? It would not make me sleep. I sent some 15 e-mails to hotels in Valencia, if anyone can survive the baggage. Nobody agreed. It's obvious, it's a bit different. After all, I tested it already in Lisbon by going to the Algarve.

Luggage storage at the hotel only works if a room is reserved. Then there is no problem, even for a few days. We are slapping a reservation from Sunday to Monday in ibis budget Valencia Aeropuerto - 38 euros for two people in decent conditions. The hotel from the airport is located in a straight line less than 400 meters. And in fact, if you are not afraid of rolling your suitcase along the side of a fast road, take it down the ramp and move it over the concrete barriers, it's close. We obviously did not do it, because it is illegal ;-)

In the hotel, leave the suitcase, in a civilian suitcase and go.

Lord, this is not going.

We're driving this strong word. Mounting a few kilograms of the seat-post, it is not the same as driving a few kilos with a heavier bicycle. Placing such a load under the saddle means that any faster maneuver causes the bike to land the front wheel facing the sky. Likewise with standing riding - swipe the equipment sideways like a shot of 80km / h wind in a 50mm cone. In general, the bike is much more agile, but probably only when going backwards. It passes a good 200km before we get used to it. Then it's OK, only it goes slower.

We pump our bikes in Decathlon, 10km away, which takes us another hour, because we still run into the highway. It's good, each of our trips must include highway driving, and this time we have it drummed at the third kilometer. Decathlon compensates us for this with prices. Available in it is almost the full collection of Van Rysel (i.e. their new road line) - by the way, I have shoes and I can VERY RECOMMEND. There are also indecent promotions, for example the best socks in the world (price / quality), i.e. ROADR 900 cost 5 euros instead of 30 PLN. I quickly calculate how many things I have to buy for a trip to be returned. Well, if you plan to buy 24 pairs of socks (because it does not grow anyway, and black - universal) - it pays to buy a ticket to Valencia. I am not talking about sleeves, legs etc.

Then there is a quick dinner at Burger King, from which we are being asked by the shopping mall service (such as in the open air) - ostentatiously we break up in the first place, which does not belong to the center - exactly on the line that the service pointed us. Piotrek finds coupons and for a set with Whooper we pay 5 euros!

Do you live in these mountains?

We do not have overnight stays, we know where to expect them and we go there. This is not obvious around Valencia it's not America and getting into accommodation is not easy. Well, even a hit at the store is not easy. I will say more, a hit on a car, let alone a man, often borders on a miracle. I will venture to say that we are in EVERY store we find. Cities are empty. After leaving Valencia, and after perfectly level streets, nothing drives. If we die of hunger, they will find us in a week. It's not that we let the route go like this - apart from the coast, there is simply nothing that would interest ordinary people. Well, unless these charming, hidden on the hills of the town that look like after the zombie apocalypse. There, however, there is no one, because there is no place to drink coffee.

Is it nice there?

And this is a very nice question. If someone asks me if in Tenerife, Gran Canaria or Majorca is nice - I will answer that it is. In the first two cases, the weather will probably be better. I do not know why anyone would come to this area like us. Unless he wants to take a break from people, ride the hills, he likes good and wacky asphalts, he has enough places that he can still see on the internet and he likes the slightly Ligurian atmosphere ... oh, that's probably us. However, I can not say with a clear conscience: hey, it's great there - ride.

Because of such typical stakes, that you stand by the railing and curse yourself silently, that it is so nice, there was really little. The places I would describe as partially epic were few and I will describe them below.

Let me skip this route description kilometer after kilometer. I do not know if the one we did was the best possible. I will point out only what happened in the memory.


The beginning is a trip from the city, which was not characterized by anything worth mentioning. Then the obscenely wide bicycle path along the road, where the traffic is practically nil and we enter the landscape, which will accompany us for the majority of the trip.

From time to time, we pass a cyclist. During these four days, EVERY of the cyclists we passed by were dressed in winter, with the face fully covered buff.

We shorten the first day a bit earlier than planned. In the last driveway that begins in Almedijar, we are caught up in the dark. We plan to finish the route with a 20-kilometer long ride to Onda. The problem is that we are too lazy to get dressed. When we started, the thermometers were pointing at 15 ° C, the last peak was only 2 ° C and it was still falling. There was also darkness - we were a little delayed.

Probably we have never been so cold in our life, not even driving in the Giant Mountains at -15 ° C. It was cold enough that it was difficult to keep the direction of the car through shaky hands - the attempt of clothes did not bring any results, the body was chilled.

If it is cold on holiday in warm countries, are these warm countries?

At about 5km in front of Onda, we start to look for alternative accommodation. We find him by a miracle 2km from us, in Sueras - more importantly, he goes up to him, and that's what we need. We land in Hotel Restaurante Verdia (the only accommodation in this city) with a mileage of 116 kilometers. We are the only guests that day to stay in it.

photo by Piotrek
photo by Piotrek

In his restaurant we get a Valentine's party - there are heart-shaped balloons, a singing lady, a dozen guests whose average age exceeds 80. There is also an indecently meticulous owner who asks us thousands of questions about what we want to eat and how to eat it, and when it turns our Spanish is too weak - he brings an Asian woman who looks like Peik Lin Goh (and behaves a bit like Awkwafina in "Fabulously Rich Asians"). We are confused with Germany and after 5 minutes she comes back contrite, bitterly apologizing, as if she read on the internet that for such a comparison you could die. It was a very good bed. And only those night-time noises of pensioners who do not let young, tired people sleep ...


It was a hard day. We were heading to Morella, about 160 kilometers away (and more than three vertically). We climb several times above the altitude of 1000m above sea level, reaching a maximum of 1363m above sea level on the border of the regions of Valencia and Aragón.

Particularly deserving of recognition are towns that may and are not very small, but finding a man in them, and even more the place to fill water bottles and bellies borders on a miracle.

The number of windmills that we pass by - scattered in the hills, is endless. Where there are windmills, there is also a wind there.

Paradoxically, the best day is our goal - the Morella mentioned above. Not at all, I do not mean the famous, dark novel of Edgar Allan Poe, and probably the most touristy place we have ever visited during our entire trip. Morella looks like a great mound of mole, on which the city was built, in which a large mound of mole was built and a fortress was erected on it. It is a bit similar to San Marino, but a bit more compressed and climatic. Very narrow streets, some pubs, FOOD STORE and quite a nice panorama of the area. Instead of spending the night in a hotel on the outskirts of the town (with a panoramic view of the area), we decide to go a bit far away, a lonely house - Casa Morella.

It is not a luxury, despite the price similar to the hotel, but the owner - Scot - gave us his motocross garage and our bicycles slept happily, and in the morning they were waiting for the service in comfortable conditions. Casa Morella it is also an ideal observation point of the city, although it is occupied by its low location - a concrete, steep descent and stony driveway to the property is the last thing both our bikes and our knees wanted.

We talk quite a lot with Scot - we remember, for example, that it is a bit cold for our "holidays in warm countries". This one suits us, something like: you know nothing. Apparently, normally at this time of year they have here with a meter of snow. He also mentions something of great happiness, because finding a place in Morella around the weekend is a big challenge - he has everything booked the next day. We also exchange insights regarding various holiday destinations - it turns out that cyclists and motorcyclists have a lot in common. He recalls that he was recently in Morocco and it was great. I agree with him, but feeling Panda's breathing on my shoulder telepathically, I ask if his blond partner from Russia also liked it there. She says she will never come back there - everything is clear.


The third day was supposed to be a roll with butter. A piece of driveway, then a very long descent, very long flat, a little driveway and long flat. It was not like that at all.

The convention was, of course, but it took us 2.5 hours to reach it (and only 35 km). Classic wmordewind connected to the area carefully arranged in a very high frequency sine wave, they effectively killed our legs. It does not bother us much, because after all holidays, but we have been left with a day and a half to return to Valencia, and the pace is not optimistic. It's all irrelevant, because the more than 20-kilometer downhill, for which we've waited so long, rewarded everything. The perfect surface, streamers straight from the Canaries and the panorama - that's it! We even visit Catalonia for a moment.

Then we have to fight the wind, some lake, small river and endless fields covered with olives and white trees (which look pink through glasses not at all, just some were white and some pink), which helpful people from my Instagram they have identified as almonds. They are flat, but hundreds more meters fall vertically.

The day ends in Hotel Onda Castellón - very pleasant, but unfortunately not working anymore. The price included breakfast and a closed conference room as a room for our bikes. I do not know if anyone, anywhere, ever ate so much white bread as we did. I doubt that this business will rise after our visit (wtf, that's what it says ?!). Great pizza in Telepizza the evening before turned out to be not so great, but unfortunately - finding an open-air sanctuary around 19:00 is some prestidigitation. Everything opens late in the evening. On this day, 180km and over 2km in the vertical range.


The day we should be in Valencia. Obviously, we choose a little way around, but we also seem a bit happy. It turns out that it favors us exceptionally, because already on a good day we get to the town of Fanzara. A town like any other, but there is a small but essential feature that sets it apart from all the places that I've seen in my life. There is probably a street art festival there, and thus - on almost every wall, there is a mural - some pretty good, if my primitive taste allows to judge. I could not decide which ones to put here, so I invite you to search results on google.

Then it's even better because the way CV-194 is somehow vista panoramica and we're going through a huge gorge. Maybe the temperature is starting to get dangerously close to the negative, but the views are worth it - two huge walls on the sides, a small river and a road that looks freshly built. This is probably also the case, because here and there we can see its old version, which has fallen apart under the influence of stones.

February 17, 2019 will go down in history. We took a little off the route to Montenejos. It's probably some local resort (it's possible that there was even a two-digit number of tourists). There are probably some walking routes, a small river, a lake, a dam and a few other attractions, but I'm not talking about it. We are a bit hungry in a cafe called the mysterious Bar-Restaurante and we order a sandwich. Well, two hungry cyclists, traveling for three days, who have to fill up for a few hours' drive, order one sandwich ... and have a problem to eat it. And it is not because it is unpalatable! It is more than tasty - with bacon, omelette, mayonnaise, cheese and something else - the problem is (I did not think I would ever say it) its size. The sandwich is enough for us by the end of the day. The number of cats that coincides each time a sandwich is served grande, it only confirms the assumption that an ordinary mortal can not overcome it. And all this for 4.60e! The whole trip was worth this one sandwich.

We are gliding further uphill - we will shorten the route somewhere with vertical concrete (average 11% with 2 km) and the surface where the gravel is a highway. We pass Los Calpes along the way, at which we take a funny picture (the cyclists know why) and the town of Fuente la Reina, which looks like a movie dummy. Then, the same - a little up, a bit flat and finally a descent to Valencia - about 60km almost constantly down.

Once again, it falls over 180 kilometers.

Do you know what two cyclists look like after almost 4 days of driving, when just after checking in at the hotel they start trying to put two bicycles in one suitcase, in a small, economic room, somehow around 23 o'clock? I know and I also know that I'm doing it for the last time in my life - but I prefer to save somewhere else ;-) Somehow everything survived and we come back somehow less tired than usual. We are accompanied by a nice sense of a long-term vacation, and yet it was only an extended weekend.

The conclusions have been drawn.

It's amazing, but we used practically everything (except for inner tubes and tires) that we put in. It would be embarrassing to say that we have packaged perfectly for such tourist lambers. One thing to consider in the future is a small bag under the upper tube (and possibly a smaller suppressor) to put in it Ultralight, sleeves and legs, things that are worth having quick access. Opening and burial in the hypodermis means that you did not want to reach for it at key moments. Normal people carry it in pockets, but unfortunately ours are occupied by photo / video equipment. Well, maybe some small spray to neutralize the smells, because on the way back I saw tears in the eyes of everyone who stood next to me. It was even nice - they looked like they missed or just enjoyed it. Panda was so happy that when she came back with me by car, she had to open the window to dry her tears of longing.

Once again, we also remember how limiting it is to go to one place a week and try to loosen it so that it starts and ends in the same place ...

And Valencia itself?

Well, at a slightly higher price, I would suggest Kanary or even Majorca as a bit more impressive and, objectively speaking, more interesting places. A supussive break with a buddy? My winter recommendation is maintained by the Moroccan mountains, but of course everyone likes something else.

... and I just realized that during our trip to Valencia, we have never been to the city of Valencia.

* photos on which I am, as it is not difficult to guess, he did Peter.