Make blood checks after the Masters and Cyklosport competition!

Doping control does not look like a pregnancy test. It's not like we sit down, pee on a belt or a nice lady takes our blood, drops a drop of litmus paper and magically turns into a given color. It's like physics at school: everything is simple in primary school. Then he goes to high school, where he learns that, in primary school, they spoke the truth, but much simplified (because friction and resistance were neglected), and then the lecturer at the university makes us realize that nothing is simple and still adds ten other variables. The subject of doping is also not simple.

One-time blood control does not give much. What about the fact that the hematocrit will come a million, if nothing is known about you. Maybe you've lived in Colombia for the last six months, maybe you have a chronic illness that is treated by weight-enhancing drugs or you've been eating lately hormone chicken. The blood test largely serves the player's control over time - hence biological passports and unannounced home visits.

I remind you that the mere statement by the committee that a blood sample indicates doping is not final. There are appeals, samples B, dragging the courts, defamation, complaints, and everything goes on. Even professional players lose their titles after many years.

Anti-doping controls do not look like you're doing a blood test after a competition. The blood test is done during the pre-competition or pre-competition and usually one-off does not say much.

There is also a urine test. Apart from the obvious aspects of: I do not want to pee, I did not pee enough, I piss out badly and so on, logistics appears. If you are getting control, it must be done properly, in a way that can not be undermined. Each player must have an assistant who controls him from the point where he crosses the finish line. The assistant will make a mistake - the test can be challenged. He will not complete any procedure - sorry. In addition, you need to download the party members of the Anti-Doping Commission, to the appropriate place to carry out the inspection (eg bus) and send samples to the appropriate laboratory. At every stage everything must go flawlessly. Lightly counting, the examination of one player is PLN 1000. Then the costs of cancellations in case the result comes out positive (because why not when you can).

If the player gets disqualified, he goes to amateurs and wins there. Because for what reason someone would control the amateurs. Amateurs are, after all, a free American - you want rules, you make licenses. Well, why would anyone prohibit the start of an amateur, since every person is money.

In short: formal catching a doping man is not a piece of cake. Even if the veins stick out to him 2cm, legs are bigger than your chest, he has 4% fat, big pimples on his back, everyone is threatened with profanity, and the first time you saw him on a bike a year ago.

Here is a universal guide to you: How to recognize a doping addict by home methods. Once you recognize him, you can try to beat him with push-ups, but it will not work, because he's probably stronger than you.

I warn you, if you know what is cyclopentanoperhydrophenantrene, do not read on. You will only get upset by my ignorance.

Universal anti-doping guide

The first and most important principle: If someone is faster than you - he certainly does not do it clean!

Before the start, there is always a rush of quick piss. If the guy pees next to you and looks over his shoulder, you do not see his sucker - he's probably taking some hormones.

Alternatively, if you pee next to you and see her sucker well - she probably also takes hormones.

If you are not sure whether a boy or a girl is standing next to you - hormones.

If the guy was supposed to be in this important race, and you do not see him for the third week - probably something suspiciously cheap from Vladimir from the town square.

If you pay attention to the visitor, he puts on the pulse meter from the heart rate monitor, because something protrudes on his back, and he indignantly responds that it is a pimple - probably hormones.

If the guest starts the race 5 minutes earlier than everyone else or crosses the finish line, he goes on, until he falls down and does not move - cocaine or derivatives.

If you pay attention to the fact that it's not nice to stick to the sector so badly and you get the answer in the nose - androgenic steroids.

If at the start, the guest just finished eating the 6th bar - marijuana.

If you are standing in a crush and you suddenly feel your hand on your pampers - ecstasy.

If the same hand is on the other person's pampers and she does not mind - the rape pill (by accident, a pre-start box with party party)

When during the pre-start squeeze you press a block on a bare foot (because he just wears shoes) and he does not feel it - tramadol. Confirmation comes after an hour when you see that the same man is riding on the golfer in the holey trousers, on which the blood pours, with a protruding piece of bone.

If the guest riding next to you is hitting you and bouncing every now and then, you probably have vision problems, especially lateral ones - growth hormone.

The guest takes the position of aero and stays in it, wakes up only in the ditch on the bend - heroin (although it does not help him in the race, but you know how it is ... hard to part with it).

If everyone moved, and the guest was smiling at the start line - valium.

When in the peloton the guest asks you kindly he drank with this lemond and this dirty triathlon outfit from the group, and you do not know what's going on, because you're driving on an ordinary road - LSD.

If the guest goes on a change and does not pedal for 13 minutes, you're just doing Mortirolo - mechanical cheering.

If you see someone in long sleeves in a 30-degree heat - sure: steroids or cocaine. Stab wounds are hard to cover up.

If you've agreed with your buddy at 5 in the morning to get together to a race you do not like, he's smiling and having a good mood - amphetamine. At the end of the tour, she will start to panic that you will not make it to the start, and it does not make sense and you better kill yourself - then surely she will.

In addition, if on the same journey all the way tells how to win without problems - cocaine.

When a man slides slowly at the start of the race, in a low-key perspective, ask in a low tone: "buddy, can you borrow a fifth?" And 3 hours later you discover that you have lost a soup pea voucher from the back pocket - he was probably is an advanced cocainist.

The guest reaches you to the waist - steroids / anaboles in his youth. If you reach for the waist, and you do not coke, and for that it has suspiciously large ears, feet and nose - growth hormone.

The guest is red - he is not known, but he is cheating.

The guest is bald - attention, it can be ore under cover. Possible anabolics, Masteron and other DHT derivatives. On the other hand, if the hair is too much HGH (growth hormone)

If someone hugs you at the start and you feel that he is soft, and in some ways it does not bother you, because he has nice breasts (and you are standing in the M3 sector) - testosterone

The guy next to you says something in his male voice, and it turns out that it's a woman - Masteron. If that was not enough, he still has a youthful acne.

After the race, you go for a beer. If everybody goes for a beer and one person orders a cola, it may suggest he has liver problems. If he is not an alcoholic (then he would not take a cola), this may indicate Peliosis Hepatis syndrome caused by steroids.

If someone is sitting on Cipollini mounted on Lightweigtach and taking part in an accident does not worry about the equipment, this suggests a definite surplus in the home budget. It can be assumed that it uses genetic doping, which is true, but it is super expensive, but not detectable. Possibly, he is simply rich, so a thief.

If in the peloton the guy goes with the loudspeaker put in place on the water bottle, he has white gloves and he pushes you down - extasy.

If a guest does not change hands on the steering wheel for several hours - he likes to smell the glue, but he is a beginner (or just changed the tubs).

The guy at the beginning coughs all the time, but he does not go out: he probably drinks Tussipect before the start because he can not find a better source of ephedra. Perhaps he is trying to prove that he actually has to drink this syrup, and maybe he pretended to be a doctor and he was left with it.

Guest 4 times asks you to hold him a bike and not come back for 10 minutes, then you hear Does anyone have a handkerchief or change the size of the penny? - Ibuprofen.

If you look at the guest next to you and watch his hands, it seems to you that you are just following the cobblestones and you are moving on the perfect asphalt - Salbutamol.

If at the start you see a man who forgot his bike, and yet it does not bother him and comes with you to the finish - caffeine. A lot of caffeine.extasy

If the guest has a Tokyo metro line made of veins on large legs - ephedrine.

You ride ultra, the 17th hour of constant pedaling. The man you go with is not sleepy at all, but it seems strange to you that during the entire ride you have not eaten anything yet - pseudoephedrine.

The announcer shoots the pistol thus starting the race, and the guest runs away in panic, abandoning his bicycle - stimulants.

The guest runs to the start, looks at you with huge eyes, and sweat pours from his face - Flixotide (medicine for asthma)

If you see a girl from K20 who pulls 10 guests flat on the change, because he has the most muscles protecting the rest from the wind and does not look tired - Nandrolone.